


Remember Me

by UglyTunaSandwich



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Accidental Death, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Depression, Drug Use, Heavy Angst, Heavy Drinking, Loneliness, M/M, POV First Person, angst with an ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-17 21:15:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29232150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UglyTunaSandwich/pseuds/UglyTunaSandwich
Summary: Till death do you part?What do I do when we part?
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Kudos: 39





	Remember Me

**Author's Note:**

> for all you lil hoes saying there was too much fluff on the tl. i'll be dm'ing you

He doesn’t smile anymore. 

He stopped after we came back from the funeral. 

I remember when he used to. 

He used to when he would tell me it was going to be okay. He used to when he dropped me off at school. He used to when he was still alive. 

It’s been so long… 

Dad, can you smile fer me again? It’s hard on my own. 

It’s been a long time. ‘Samu-jisan said to put up the shrine right away. The box he gave him still sits by the door. It’s dusty now. My pa is dusty. 

He used to look at it when we came inside. He always looked sad. Like he didn’t know what to do with it. Like he did somethin’ wrong. 

_ It’s not yer fault _ , I wanna tell him.  _ None of us saw it coming. _

None of us did. 

I can’t say much to him anymore. He sulks away in the room they shared. Isn’t it lonely? I’m lonely. Aren’t you?

Maybe not. Maybe you wanna be alone. That’s okay, I’ll wait for you as long as you need. That’s what you used ta tell me when I stayed in my room. It’s okay. I’ll wait for ya.

Ugh, my stomach’s growlin’. It’s so annoying. I trudge to the fridge to see if there’s any of ‘Samu-jisan’s onigiri left. 

“Yes!” There are a few from last time. I miss eating with you. Both of you. But I don’t have time to think about that now. All I have to do is guess which ones have fatty tuna. Those are always my favorite. I remember fighting with him over the last few, ‘Samu-jisan always sayin’ “‘Tsumu, yer gonna fight yer own kid?” It’s okay, I know you never meant it. Even when you split it with me, you always gave me the bigger half. I pretended not ta notice but I did. Guess now I can have the whole thing, huh?

Lemme see… I think it’s about three days ‘till ‘Samu-jisan comes back. We’re not gonna have enough ‘till then. I look around the cabinets to see what I can find. The bread’s almost gone, there’s not much ta cook. Ha, Pa was always the cook. I remember the time he banned ya from the kitchen ‘cause you made a... what was the word he used again? Abomination? One of those big fancy ones I’m sure you taught’im.

Maybe I can catch you the next time you come out. Hmm.

_ Click. _ Well speak of the devil.

“Hey, um...Dad?” Your face looks smaller somehow. Your everything looks smaller. Maybe it’s ‘cause you stopped training, now that you don’t have Pa ta wake ya up anymore. Ha, it was funny seein’ him drag ya outta bed on the weekends. Even when it was somethin’ you wanted to do, you just slept so late. Now you just sleep all the time. Or grieve. I dunno what ya do, but sometimes I wish you could do it with me. 

I can see you do that thing. That thing where yer back straightens just a lil’ bit when you feel like you got caught. Like the time you tried to sneak food while Pa was cooking. I remember when that was funny.

“‘Samu-jisan isn’t gonna be here for another few days so…” I don’t have to finish before yer chuckin’ yer card on the counter. “Thanks,” is all I can give back in a small, little whisper. I feel so guilty fer askin’ but you don’t make it any easier when ya don’t say nothin’ for days. Feelin’ like a beggar in my own home. 

Hey, I have a question,  _ Dad. _ What did  _ I  _ ever do to ya? Hm? What was my fault? What was my mistake? Did I ask too many questions? Did I talk too much at the dinner table?  _ What did I do? _ Why won’t ya look at me anymore? Why won’t ya talk to me? 

Can we sing in the bathroom again? Can we watch scary movies? Can we go back to readin’ together? Can we laugh? Can we smile?

_ Get out of yer head.  _

I didn’t do anything. Not a goddamn thing. I didn’t hit him. I wasn’t the one takin’ too long to call. I wasn’t at the table when…

I didn’t do anything, but… But why do I feel so wrong?

I cry about it. For days. For weeks. For months. 

Grades are slippin’ but who are you to care?

You don’t care about anyone but your damn self. Figures.

Maybe you had the right idea. It’s easier not ta feel. At least when you don’t feel you don’t feel lonely. You don’t feel desperate. You don’t feel broken.

You were right, Dad. This is much easier. 

But then, why am I crying right now? 

Why am I crying when ‘Samu-jisan starts packin’ up my stuff? Why am I crying when he starts askin’ if I’m hungry? If I’m hurt? When he’s tellin’ me to not be scared? 

He’s stuffin’ the last of my stuff in a small suitcase when you come out. No offense, Dad, but you look like shit. 

Is yer hair thinning? Ya look like a skelton. Yer so pale. Yer so scrawny. Yer so weak. 

The bags under your eyes tell me everything I need to know. Your eyes are puffy, and they’re swellin’ up with tears as ‘Samu-jisan wraps his arm around me. 

_ Oh, so you do cry. _

Why are  _ you  _ cryin’? Why are you weak but your voice is comin’ out so strong? Why are you upset, Dad? Isn’t this what you wanted? Just let me fade into obscurity. Forget my face, too. 

“ _ You can’t take them! _ ”

“Ya got yer jacket out the room?”

“Mhm.”

“That’s  _ my  _ child!” 

“Go wait in the car, okay?”

“Is it—”

“Hey.” ‘Samu-jisan grabs my face real hard. His eyes tell me not ta look back. “It’s okay, I’m gonna take care of ya.” 

“Okay.” 

“ _ Osamu I swear _ —”

“Yeah and you swore ta protect them. Look at them, Kiyoomi, they’re droppin’ weight like no tomorrow. What the hell have you been doin’?”

I can hear your voice through gritted teeth. I can hear you shakin’ with anger. “ _ I’m doing my  _ best.”

“Oh please, _this_ is yer best. You know they haven’t been ta school in three days? The school didn’t even try callin’ ya, they called _me_! Tell me why!”

“Miya Osamu—”

“Get in the car, Pumpkin. I’ll meet ya in a minute. Rin-jisan is waitin’ fer ya.”

“Rin-jisan is here? I thought it was season.”

“They gave’im a few days off ta take a break. Go tell’im hi.”

I go as fast as my legs will take me to Rin-jisan. To see him durin’  _ season _ ? I’m the luckiest kid in the world! 

“Rin-jisan!” I see him leaning on the driver’s door.

“Hey!” He picks me up and twirls me in his arms. “How are you?” he asks, still holding me in the air. 

“I’m doin’ better now that I see ya! They let you outta season?”

Rin-jisan smiles real small. “You kept it.”

I scrunch up my nose in confusion. “Kept what?”

“Ah don’t worry about it, beansprout!” He sets me down and ruffles my hair.

“Hey!”

“Come on, I got some snacks for you in the car. Even snuck you a few onigri.”

“Is it with—”

“Yep.”

“Yer the best!”

I can hear Dad and ‘Samu-jisan’s voices from the car door. It sounded like they broke something. “Are they—”

“Nah, they’ll be fine. Grown-ups fight all the time. You hungry?”

My stomach growls before I can answer. “I’m  _ starving _ !” I heave. Rin-jisan looked like his face twitched just a little. Did I worry him? I know Dad tells me not to talk in...hyperbowls? Somethin’ like that. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like—”

“You’re fine. Come on, let’s get you eating!”

He opens the car door for me and— “This is more than a few snacks!”

“Really? I guess grown-ups just eat a lot. Have as much as you want.”

“ _ Really? _ ”

“Yeah, really.”

“This is the best day  _ everrr _ !”

— — — 

  
  


_ They’re gone. They’re gone. They’re gone.  _

He can’t get the ringing out of his ear.

_ They’re gone. _

It’s him. He took them. He took them both from him. 

Osamu’s face flashes before him. Atsumu’s? No. This walking burden sports Kiyoomi’s biggest regret. 

_ They’re gone.  _

Why didn’t he stop him? Why didn’t he say no? Maybe he could’ve called a little faster. Maybe he could’ve delayed them leaving a little longer. 

_ They’re gone.  _

And now he’s lost both of the ones he loves most. Gone. 

The thoughts drunken his mind like a whiskey swirl. Probably one of the many drinks that prick had that night. 

Drink. 

He could. If it eased his pain, why couldn’t it offer Kiyoomi reprieve?

He just needs one. One to take a break from the ache of the emptiness in his chest. In his very soul. Maybe it would fill him up.

It wasn’t enough. 

Trips to the konbini are frequent. Regular. He’s become a regular. 

Fill him up. Fill him up. Fill.

He’s always empty. Everything is empty.

The seasons pass. The sun is back. It’s warmth never reaches him. He didn’t need it when he had  _ him. _

It’s dark on the brightest day. Cold on the hottest afternoon. 

Was this his fate? His punishment? He deserved it. . Once 

He’s still empty, but each drink offers reprieve for a short period of time. Though the number to get back to his oasis increases. One. Two. Fifteen. Too many. 

Cans litter the too big and too small living space. He wades through them during every trip to the door. Konbini. Home. Was it home?

It was where he went after yet another set of plastic bags. It was where he passed out after the heartache became too great. 

The lines become blurred. This is what it always was. 

It’s the pounding in his head that wakes him. The pain too unbearable to ignore. He stumbles to the bathroom, the alcohol in his veins pounding against the swelling in his brain. 

Aspirin.

Did he have any? He makes it to the bathroom, steadying himself as the room takes its time to adjust to him. Once everything mostly aligns, he sees a few hands reach towards him as he opens the medicine cabinet. He squints his eyes until it focuses into a singular reflection. 

He finds it. One should do. Maybe two. 

Jackhammers drill into his temples and he’s bent over the counter, sweaty palms desperate to hold onto the marble countertop. Three.

He regains his balance. 

Three is good. Just three. 

A few attempts at the safety lid finally lets him in, a handful spilling into his palm. He shoves them into his mouth and washes it down with the tap. Something he’d recoil at in his before. 

The water is cool. Refreshing. He gulps it down desperately, ignoring the thought about the last time he’d had it. 

It feels good.

He can already feel the world begin to slow. Time slows. It comes to a stop.

He curls on the cool tile. 

It feels good. 

His heart slows, easing him into an endless slumber. 

It feels good.

He lets his eyes flutter closed. 

He feels a hand raking through his hair, playing with the soft curls that frame his face. He lifts his head from his pillow and blinks squints at the morning light. Atsumu smiles at him softly. He pushes Kiyoomi’s back to give him a light kiss on the forehead. 

The pain stops with the beating of his heart. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> idk what to say. thanks for reading if you finished this! :D


End file.
